When it comes to working on final drafts, the scale is tipping precariously close to despise/despair.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how my writing process has changed and even as I said that I didn't really know how true it was. The more serious I become about my writing, the less indulgent it seems.
In the beginning of the story when there's only a few characters and an idea and I'm stumbling through the dark it will always be completely indulgent, only because I know I can fix it later. I don't think that part of my process will change.
The final draft, though, has changed. It's that promise I made in the beginning to fix the story. And unlike my other books, with BIB I now feel compelled to actually fix it. Now I have to trim away the excess and make a story. Suddenly I find myself laying face down on my bedroom floor, listening to Fleet Foxes and thinking about things like "Plot" and "Character Motivation" and "Pacing" and "Structure."
Words like that make my head ache. The size of my book makes my head ache. The thought of both finishing and not finishing this book makes my head ache.
Part of me wants to go back to writing the way my earlier books were written: full of needless and excessive details and letting my characters kiss in the rain even though it's cheesy and doesn't make sense since it's summer. Part of me wants to go back to writing for the sake of writing. Writing because my sanity depended on it, because I couldn't do anything else, just because.
Another part of me, a much smarter part, the part that's thinking about "Plot" and "Character Motivation" and "Pacing" and "Structure" is shaking her head because she understands and accepts that I don't write for the sake of writing anymore. I write for the sake of reading.
I write the books I want to read and hope that someone else will want to read them too.
What do you write for the sake of: writing or reading?
Food for the brain. I want to hear your thoughts. Happy Almost-Friday everyone. I'm going to turn off Fleet Foxes now and get to work.
Music:
"Part of me wants to go back to writing the way my earlier books were written: full of needless and excessive details and letting my characters kiss in the rain even though it's cheesy and doesn't make sense since it's summer. Part of me wants to go back to writing for the sake of writing. Writing because my sanity depended on it, because I couldn't do anything else, just because."
ReplyDeleteI feel EXACTLY the same way. Since I've become more "serious" about writing, I haven't written with the same joy for myself. I write to craft an experience for the reader, not so much for myself anymore. Which feels like a loss in some ways, but it's a different kind of joy. A lot more work, but a lot more payoff, I think.
It does feel like a loss doesn't it? It's so good to hear you say that because I thought I was crazy for feeling that way. For a long time I felt like it was too big a loss when weighed against the payoff. I couldn't see the ways in which my writing was benefiting from the loss. I remember thinking to myself "If I lose this my writing will change, it won't be good anymore."
ReplyDeleteI was right about one thing: my writing did change but I think it's a lot better than it was before. And just like you said, it's a lot more work but also a lot more payoff.
Oh man, I know exactly how you feel. I so miss the days when I wrote just because....I certainly thought about getting published, but I had no realistic clue as to how much work it would actually take. I wrote first drafts and avoided revisions. I saw my stories as perfect the way they were (hahahahahaha). And now, having gone through multiple, multiple revisions, I miss that sense of freedom.
ReplyDeleteBut at the same time, I don't, because now my writing really is something to be proud of. There's nothing like perfecting a final draft on a book you've been working on for years. There's a greater sense of accomplishment, because I've put in the time and energy to really become good at what I do.
I think that...there should be times when you *do* just write to write. Maybe it shouldn't be for your work in progress. I've found that a little fanfiction every now and then is okay. But if you do something because you have to, not want to, there's always a chance you'l start to resent it. You know what I mean?
ReplyDelete